When Cory and I first started the 'paperwork phase' of the adoption - we were continuously running around, getting forms filled out, notarizations, background checks (and more background checks), recommendation letters, etc. We also had to do numerous hours of training like I've mentioned before.
Now that we are getting 'wrapped up' with the paperwork phase, I've had the chance to really think about the things in our training book.
The thing that I keep coming back to most recently is thinking about the birthparents. One of the first things we learned was that adoption is a happy and joyous time, yet also a time of loss for all parties envolved, especially for the bithparents (obviously). I know it's going to be hard for me to be experiencing such joy, while at the same time internalizing some of the birthparents pain.
While in Haiti, and being short term volunteers, we don't have any interaction with the parents of the children that are at the center. During my second trip in August, however, the parents of one of 'my girls' showed up. All I had to do was bring their child to them, and I went into the volunteer house and broke down.
Up to that point, I was only thinking of the babies - the babies that I got the opportunity to pour every ounce of love that I had into them. The babies were the ones I was seeing face to face.
That day, I got to see the 'other side' as I looked into the parents face - the side where the parents are sitting there with their broken hearts doing the only thing they know they can do to give their child the life they deserve. Their child was one year old and weighed 9 1/2 pounds. They did one of the most selfless acts a person can do, and put their own pain aside. Now I don't know for sure if that is what they were actually feeling, but it's what I was feeling for them. It made it real for me. It gave me a face.
I think sometimes in our society, it's easy to throw accusations against the birthparents. But what we need to remember is that, while all situations are different, at the end of the day, there is a pain there. There is a loss. There is a mother who carried a child she could feel kicking her for months. There is a mother who gave her child life, instead of looking at other options.
Cory and I sit here now and picture what our future child may look like - but we also imagine what the parents will be like. Cory and I only hope that we can someday meet the birthparents to our children - and when that day comes - I hope the birthparents know that we will love that child with all our heart. The pain that they may be facing will not be unnoticed by us. We will pray for them, that they may find peace in their decision and their healing process.
